Can We Live? Damn.

It’s 2018 and it’s a shame we have to still have this conversation but here we let’s have it, shall we?

It’s high time society stops telling women how to move. Period. To preface my rant, I’ll recap the beginning of our most recent episode, “Black AF feat. Kory”. In the beginning of the episode, we expressed our disappointment with Ciara and her views on partnership with a clip of an online sermon she chose to post on her Instagram. Our annoyance was not only with her, but with the outpouring of folks who chose to die on that same “women need to carry themselves like a wife if they wanna be wifed” hill with her. Many argue that everyone has “preferences” and that it’s totally fine to expect a person to have certain qualities that align with whatever it is you’re seeking out of a life partner.

I’m gonna do my best to break this down the best way I know how. “Preferences” aren’t the root of the reason why we’re upset. It’s that most straight, cisgendered men (and women. We know, major eye roll) have these odd, obtuse expectations for women and hold them to often impractical standards. While women run themselves ragged making sure they every T is crossed and every I is dotted to ensure they’re worthy of being chosen for marriage all because of these ideals and expectations society beats them over the head with, we still have folk (*cough* men) telling them it’s still not good enough. The pastor in the video clip Ciara posted on her Instagram used scripture to mock women for still coming up for air after being drowned with irrational expectations & ideals asking “why am I still not good enough?”

Enough is enough. 

Women are allowed to just be. It’s been passed on too long that from the time that they’re born, women need to mold themselves into a beacon of virtuosity in hopes that one day she’ll be chosen for marriage, the buck stopping there. Our daughters haven’t and seemingly still aren’t being taught that marriage less about subjugation and more about equal partnership. It’s been stressed that married folk are in a different class among the elite and “worthy” and that if a woman remains unmarried after a certain age then there must be something wrong with her character and that she must change in order appear desirable & covetable. That there must be SOMETHING she is doing wrong. Not that there are countless studies showing that women have higher education & income levels than males making us straight up overqualified outchea, not that some women see their purpose beyond marriage and just don’t desire marriage or life partnership at all. But to tell a woman who desires whatever society is selling when it comes to traditional marriage and keeps coming up empty that there must be something she isn’t doing and that she is the sole reason that she’s feeling unloveable and unworthy is just plan disgusting. Instead of reiterating the sexist dichotomy and hierarchy of women, let’s push the idea that women can be free enough to fuck up, be sexually explorative, have children out of wedlock, get belligerently drunk and make poor decisions with our homegirls on the weekends, wear short skirts, casually date multiple people, curse loudly and still appear just as righteous and upright as our male counterparts. Can we? In 2018, finally? Please? 


Kayla LopesComment